Associate Professor Kathy Cologon in the Charles Sturt Children’s Voices Centre said the violent antisemitic massacre at Bondi Beach has shaken us all, and how we respond matters.

In our homes, our early childhood settings, our schools, our workplaces, and our communities, we have opportunities to model care, to resist hate, and to affirm that we belong to one another.

Children are watching how we respond in this moment. Being present, honest, and connected is not everything, but it is something, and in times like this, it matters.

Following the attack on Bondi Beach, Sydney, on Sunday 14 December, many of us woke on Monday morning carrying a heaviness about the events of the previous evening.

This heaviness ripples through our early childhood settings, our schools, and our homes. Children feel this too.

In moments like this, there is often pressure to explain, to reassure, to move on quickly, or to protect children by saying nothing at all. But what children, and adults, need most is not perfect explanations or forced calm. What we need is support that helps us feel safe, connected, and grounded in our shared humanity.

In moments like this, many of us are looking for ways to respond with care, rather than turning away or becoming overwhelmed. Research on collective trauma offers a helpful framework that can guide us as we make sense of what has happened, resist despair, and find ways to support our children.

The Hobfoll Five

Psychologist Stevan Hobfoll and colleagues identify five key elements that are essential in supporting people following collective trauma. These are key for people directly impacted by the tragedy. They are also valuable for those of us navigating the knowledge of the horrors unfolding from outside of the event.

The five elements identified by Hobfoll and colleagues are human needs that help all of us cope, make sense of what has happened, and begin to recover.

The five elements that we all need are a sense of:

• Safety
• Calming
• Self and collective efficacy
• Connection
• Hope

In reality, children and adults need these same things. What differs is how we support each other to meet these needs, and how they are expressed.

1. Safety: telling the truth without causing harm

A sense of safety does not come from silence or avoidance. It comes from honesty that is measured, factual, and grounded in care.

When children ask questions, it is important to answer them truthfully, without graphic detail and without speculation. For example:

• “A violent attack happened in a public place, and people were hurt and some people were killed.”
• “Police, emergency services, and other adults responded and stopped the danger.”
• “It is okay to ask questions, and it is also okay not to want details.”
• “Right now, we are safe together, and I am here with you.”

Clear, factual language helps children because it reduces uncertainty. When children have simple, truthful information, they are less likely to imagine worse possibilities or feel that important information is being hidden from them.

Avoiding details does not mean avoiding the truth. It means offering information at a level children can process, creating space for questions if children want to ask more, and avoiding the dangers of repeatedly revisiting the terror.

Safety also includes being clear about values. When violence is connected to prejudice and discrimination, such as the racism and antisemitism involved in this violence, it is important to name this directly and calmly. We can use clear messages such as:

• “Racism and antisemitism are wrong.”
• “No one deserves to be hurt because of who they are.”
• “Our job is to take care of each other and stand up against hate.”

2. Calming: naming feelings helps children process

Strong feelings are natural responses to frightening events. Fear, sadness, anger, confusion, and worry are signs that something has mattered.

Helping children name their feelings does not make things worse. It helps children make sense of what they are experiencing. Children’s responses are individual and influenced by context and experiences. Some children may show feelings through behaviour or play, while some children may express more through words, questions, or worries.

Calming happens through connection and co-regulation. Children often borrow calm from the adults around them. This does not mean adults need to hide their feelings. It means showing that feelings can be managed, expressed, and held safely.

Adults need this too. Many of us are carrying our own fear, grief, or anger. Attending to our own regulation is not selfish. It is protective for ourselves and for children.

Children take emotional cues from the adults around them. When adults are supported, grounded, and able to care for their own wellbeing, they are better able to provide the calm, predictable presence that helps children feel safe.

3. Self and collective efficacy: small actions matter

One of the most damaging effects of collective trauma is a sense of helplessness. When something frightening and violent happens, many of us are left feeling that there is nothing we can do, and that the world is unpredictable and beyond our influence.

We cannot change the events that have occurred, but we can care for each other, recognise and embrace our shared humanity. Recognise that there is no ‘them and us’ but only an ‘us’ to which we all belong, and support each other to recognise and stand up against hate, prejudice and discrimination wherever it occurs.

For children, this might include:

• Being included in small, shared actions that reinforce belonging and care, such as contributing to classroom routines, collective projects, or acts of support
• Having opportunities to express thoughts and values through words, play, or creative work, and seeing these taken up within the group
• Being part of conversations where adults model shared responsibility, care for others, and standing up against harm, and create spaces and opportunities for children to see themselves and act as part of a collective response

Through experiences like these, children come to feel that they can act with care, that their perspectives are heard, and that they belong within a group that responds together.

For adults, supporting self and collective efficacy may involve:

• Engaging in values-based conversations with colleagues, friends, and family that reaffirm care, responsibility, and shared humanity
• Actively challenging racist, antisemitic, or other discriminatory comments or actions, recognising that silence can reinforce helplessness and harm
• Participating in collective actions, professional learning, or community responses that prioritise care, inclusion, and justice
• Seeking reliable information and leaning on community and professional supports, recognising that asking for support is itself an act of agency

Through experiences like these, we can recognise that we are not powerless witnesses, but capable participants within a collective response. It may feel like too little, too late but it may also be all that we can do. This shared sense that we can act together, even in small ways, is central to self and collective efficacy.

When we experience ourselves as capable contributors within a caring group, our sense of efficacy strengthens belonging, and belonging in turn reinforces the belief that our actions matter together.

4. Connection: resisting ‘us and them’

Connection is one of the strongest protective factors following collective trauma. Hobfoll and colleagues highlight connectedness because, in the aftermath of violence and tragedy, many people feel alone, unsafe, or cut off from others.

Connection helps restore a sense that we are held within relationships and community, not facing distress in isolation.

Events rooted in hate can intensify ‘us and them’ narratives. Children may absorb these messages unless we actively counter them. Connection here is not just about being kind. It is about belonging, solidarity, and actively rejecting the ways prejudice and discrimination try to fracture communities.

Connection does not mean pretending we are all the same. It means affirming that difference is part of our shared humanity, and that belonging is not conditional.

Supporting connection might include:

• Creating opportunities for children to talk, play, or be quiet alongside others, without pressure to share more than they want to
• Using clear values-based language that rejects racism and antisemitism, and actively interrupting “us and them” statements when they arise
• Reaffirming that Jewish people belong and are valued, and checking in with Jewish families and colleagues in ways that offer care without demanding explanation, education, or emotional labour
• Encouraging empathy and solidarity in ways that do not centre the curiosity of those of us who are not targeted, and that do not turn targeted communities into a lesson or spectacle

Connection is built in everyday moments. In how we speak, who we listen to, and how we respond when harm occurs. It is also built by the choices we make to stay close, stay human, and stay committed to an ‘us’ that includes ALL of us.

5. Hope: not forced optimism, but meaningful possibility

Hope is sometimes misunderstood as optimism, or as pretending everything is fine.

In the aftermath of collective trauma, that kind of positivity can feel hollow or even silencing. The kind of hope Hobfoll and colleagues point to is different. It is resistance to despair. It is hope that acknowledges what has happened, while also holding onto the possibility of a future shaped by kindness and care. It rejects the idea that humanity is crumbling and we are helpless to do anything about it, or that our actions and relationships no longer matter.

For children, hope can be built through what they see adults do next. Children learn hope when they see that fear and sadness can be held, that people respond with care, and that communities act to protect one another. In this way, hope is not something we give children, but something we build with them.

Hope can sound like:

• “What happened was wrong, and it should not have happened.”
• “It is okay to feel sad, angry, or scared. Those feelings make sense.”
• “There are adults whose job is to keep people safe, and they are working hard to do that.”
• “Many people are choosing to care for each other and to stand up against hate, racism, and antisemitism.”
• “We will keep doing what we can, step by step, to build a kinder and more inclusive community.”

Hope is supported when children experience consistency and care over time. It is also supported when children see that prejudice and discrimination are named and challenged, and that belonging is protected in real, everyday ways.

Hope lives in action; heroes such as Boris and Sofia Gurman, Reuven Morrison, Ahmed al-Ahmed and others at the scene, and the thousands who donated blood, give us all hope through their action.

Holding this together

In moments like this, there is no neat resolution. There is grief, fear, anger, and a deep sense of rupture. And there is also care, connection, and the ongoing work of choosing how we respond to one another.

Children do not need us to make the world feel simple or solve the fractures overnight. They need us to stay present, to tell the truth with care, to name what is wrong, and to show, through our actions, that care and belonging still matter.

In responding with honesty, connection, and shared responsibility, we do not erase what has happened. But we do shape what follows. We shape what children learn about humanity and belonging in the world they are growing into.

This article was originally published as a blog post on Monday 15 December 2025. You can read the full post here: Holding Children (& Each Other) in the Wake of Violence & Hatred  © Toward Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion, 2025.   You are welcome to share this post.